Fanservice High
by Lady Lemonade
Summary: Apparently, Takuya's parents feel he is not socially adequate to survive in the real world - so they ship him off to Fanservice High. Good news - there is a mighty hot young man named Kouji on campus. And... actually, that's the only good news. Huh.
1. Sexy Cow

"_Dear Okaa-san and Otou-san,_

_It's your son. Well, your OLDEST son. The non-bratty one. The far more attractive one. The one with the short hair. Well, Shinya has short hair too but… mine flares! And besides, he said he wanted to grow his hair out like Otou-san's (1). Back to my point! It's me, your lovely son! Finally made it to that "college" in that weird country that you said I should go to. You know, I checked the map _twice_ and not once did I see this crazy place on there. Now, there's a sun in the sky but I never heard of a place called 'Sun.' That's a stupid name for a country. It's not even all that bright! It was pouring when the train pulled into the station! Ridiculous! _

…_But I heard once a long time ago there was a city named 'Hell.' And it actually did freeze over once or twice. Hmm. Let's all keep in mind to neither say 'when pigs fly' nor 'when hell freezes over' because, apparently, both have occurred. No, really. There was this orange-ish blue-eyed pig monster flying around with wings for ears - minus the curly tail and the bad smell. Okay, so it wasn't a pig. But it still flew. I'm not a zoologist or anything (nor do I plan to be one) but it's not normal. The thing was heavy (yes, I held it; it had an owner, Okaa-san, so don't much a fuss. It had its rabies vaccination). For it to be capable of flight wouldn't it need a small amount of body fat and light/hollow bones? And something about the idea of bones moving that are attached to its skull really bothers me._

_I got off-topic. How typical of me, ne? About that "college"... Why do you call it that? It's more like a boarding school, and I'm only seventeen. You just yanked me out of my last year of high school to send me off to this place! What gives? Oh… I'll add more to this letter later. The two weird dudes on stage are about to tell us 'newcomers' what this place is all about. Oh, and by the way… thanks for putting me at the bottom of the social ladder again. You're real pals for that. NOT!"_

* * *

The brunette sighed and closed his notebook, placing the pen inside the spirals that kept the papers together. The lights dimmed, and soon the only highlighted area was the stage. The 'two weird dudes' mentioned in the letter _were_ a bit unusual. The shorter of the two was also the paler, with watery blue eyes; his long hair was pulled back in a ponytail, colored in assortments of blue, deep violet, pale pink, and lavender. He wore what appeared to be a standard uniform for the female population - in other words, a black tie over a yellow-orange blouse with a knee-length black skirt highlighted in orange. Though the brunette figured the sneakers the man wore were certainly not part of this uniform. 

The second man appeared far more feminine in appearance, but he seemed to be wearing the male's uniform. He had long hair as well, but it was permitted to be loose from any confinements known as 'hair ties,' 'berets,' and the like. The color of his hair was a bit more tropical, including greens, yellows, and a tint of turquoise. His skin was darker, more tanned than his companion's. His eyes were a watery green, and a long horse's tail swished behind him. The brunette amongst all the other students blinked. A horse tail? …the other male had one too. Both of their tails were compromised of the same colors their hair were. Strange… Cosplayers, maybe? Although, there _had_ been that flying pig... Hmm. Back to the second strange man. Due to it still being summer, he wore a pair of black capris. His shirt was a button-up yellow-orange one with a black vest over it. For summer uniforms, they looked unusually warm.

"Welcome, fresh meat!" were the first words that came from the males' mouth, and all newcomers 'meeped.' Perhaps it was the word choice, or maybe it had something to do with the devious grins that adorned the two men's faces. Totally had to be the word choice. Also, why was the more masculine-appearing one wearing the skirt? The feminine one would have appeared far more attractive in it, and it'd be less obvious to the new population of students that one of the two was cross-dressing, therefore leaving less room for staring and more room for actually paying attention.

"I'm Masq-san," the effeminate male said, hand on his chest.

"And I'm Ginger-san," the cross-dresser said with a smile, and held a remote control in one hand. "We're pretty sure you're currently wondering why I'm wearing the girl's school uniform, are you not?" A wide grin spread across his face watching all the heads before him in the seating area nod. "Please, do not laugh. We're dead serious." His eyes narrowed to further prove his point. The students exchanged quizzical, expectant looks. "Our dearest principal a few years ago implemented something she considered to be ingenious. Something about acceptance in the future and whatnot." The students, again, nodded to accept what he was explaining to them. They saw no reason to laugh - yet.

"Basically, every week there's a special day, a very special one indeed. Every Wednesday it's a school requirement you wear the school uniform of the opposite sex," Masq informed them. There was silence, then… the students burst into laughter, of course. It was the single most ridiculous thing they ever heard. It was a joke. It had to be.

"Aww, Masq-koi, you made them giggle. Now how will we explain to them how this school works?" Ginger asked his companion, who in turn gave a sly grin.

"The usual way. Do something to snag their attention, and then force them to listen," Masq mumbled lazily, yawning somewhat. "So, whose turn?"

"You know, I think I actually forgot…" Ginger mumbled.

"How absent-minded of you." Masq frowned somewhat, and looked at his koi. "…I think it should be my turn. You're the one wearing the skirt."

"Ah, but you're the one standing like a woman dear Masq," Ginger countered, a grin on his face as well.

"Have you heard of the uke height rule?" Masq asked, picking at his fingernails gently.

"That's only in the fantasies of fujoshi(1)," Ginger snorted. "I can't control what my genes decide my final height will be."

"True, true…" Masq couldn't help but agree with the truth in that statement. "I have bishounen hair."

"I can kick your ass."

"Is that really what you would prefer doing to it over another option?"

"Never said it's what I prefer, simply what I could do. Among other things."

"In front of all these poor children?"

"_Especially_ in front of all these poor children. They could use a good, first-hand lesson in ya – oh my, how long have they been listening?" Ginger asked, feigning shock. Either this 'argument' was just a ploy at obtaining the students' full focus, or he was used to this situation.

"I think you caught their attention with 'ass.' It caught mine. Or at least, yours did." Masq said, his grin still playing at the edges of his mouth.

"No, no, I think you caught their attention with 'uke.' You would make an ideal one, so it's hardly surprising at the thought of you being bene—"

"Will you two just get on with the introductory phase of this school?" a woman's voice from behind the curtain interjected.

"Her hangover seems worse than usual," Ginger said with a snicker. "Very well. Camera?"

* * *

"_Hello, students! My name is S__แ__lvatien! n.n I hope you are all enjoying this presentation so far! If any of you step out of line… I WILL FEED ON YOUR SINS AND SEND YOU DOWN TO THE DEEPEST DEPTHS OF HELL WHERE YOU WILL SUFFER ETERNAL DAMNATION! Onto the school, teehee." _The woman on the projected scream seemed as though in all reality this wasn't how she acted, and the students doubted she was the type to 'teehee.' Actually, it looked like a horribly done voice-over. She had snakes in her hair, and wore large quantities of white – a contradiction of herself, in more ways than these students realized, unless they watched 'Ecittal,' which came on very late at night. _"All right! Who's ready to learn? Okay! Ready, steady, go!_

"_Fanservice High was established several years ago by an unknown provider. Through this provider's money and resources this school was built up, up, UP! All the provider requested was that we implement this woman to be the principal." _On the screen it flashed to a photo of a woman with maroon hair fluffing out to make her head appear mushroom-shaped, and wide gray eyes. _"You may call her Scara-san. Her legal name is Touya-san, but everyone calls her Scara-san because usually she's half-asleep when putting on her make-up, so her mascara is everywhere. How embarrassing!_

"_This school only accepts students when they have reached their last year of high school, and nothing beyond that. We don't like being considered neither a 'high school' nor a 'college.' We're a special school whose profit comes entirely from our provider and the fundraisers we hold. We do not accept payment from parents on their children staying here year-round, for we have no qualms in taking care of you for one full year. Although, spending money is something you earn by taking a part-time job or having your parents send some to you. We are not buying everyone a video game console, as nice as a brand-new XBOX 360, Nintendo Wii (WHEEEEE!), and PS3 sound._

_At this point, you must all be wondering why we don't mind taking care of you. Ask your teacher, it's why we pay them money. To answer your stupid questions (YES, ALL YOUR QUESTIONS ARE STUPID, DON'T LET THE TEACHERS LIE TO YOU) so we don't have to hear them. Got it? No? I don't care. Voice acting doesn't pay as much as you think it would. Now, about your schedules…_

_At nine in the morning you are all expected to start gathering inside of the building. Why? Because breakfast is served at nine, and if you want any you have to be there first or none for you. School starts at precisely TEN AM! If you are late to a class, you will not be admitted in. You will be sent straight to Scara-san's office where you will face her wrath in a hung-over stupor of too much partying the previous night. Now, once the first period commences… oh, I'm sorry. They don't call them 'periods' here. They call them 'zones'. Once the first zone begins, you are in that class for one full hour. _

_In total, you all have six zones. Your lunch is an hour long, and commences right after third zone. You remain in that third zone for the duration of the lunch, and the food is brought to you. This is a far simpler process to go through than you going to get your food. Once lunch is over, you head to a fourth zone. And now, the rules: all dorms fit two people. An application is being sent around. If you lie on it about any of your information, we will know. And you'll suffer. Dearly. Have a wonderful time here at Fanservice High!" _The screen went blank.

* * *

"Why did they use Sแlvatien from 'Ecittal' as the background and pay a woman to do a voice-over? Isn't it cheaper and NOT against copyright laws to just hire someone to say all that?" Ginger asked in a hushed whisper. 

"You'd think that," Masq sighed, encircling his arm around Ginger's waist. The two were sort of hugging each other, but neither in a dominant stance - just leaning. The new student body stared. "…What?"

"Right! You wanna know the rules! While we explain the rules and then make-out for your entertainment (wonderful store, FYI) that lovely young man over there will pass out the applications for you all to fill out," Ginger announced. The 'lovely young man' was actually a very ticked-off looking man. He had short, well-kept blonde hair, and droopy violet eyes that looked in annoyance at the expectant students. He wore a loose, collared button-up white shirt, beneath it a black leather top; casual denim jeans; and dangling from his mouth was an unlit cigarette. OMG DRUGS IN THE SCHOOL! Someone is getting sued! Nu!

Obviously not too interested in passing out papers, he yanked on the ponytail of one of the students. Nice and gently. Gentle enough so the teen was pulled straight out of his chair and right onto the floor. Ahh yes, gently. Really. Okay, so it wasn't gentle - hush. It's bad enough the blonde man is going to get himself sued for carrying drugs into a school; does he really have to get arrested for child abuse as well?

"Pass them out, saru," the man ordered. Requested. Ordered. Requested. Which to use without getting him in trouble but still revealing his true personality? …threatened. The man 'threatened.' Yes, it works perfectly! Looking up at the man with a half-pout, half-scowl, the longhaired teen got up to do as he was told, muttering complaints (or were they insults?) along the way as he did.

"Don't worry. Those two are relatives. Really," Masq said, eyeing the two before coughing.

"Uhm… you sure you want to give them that impression?" Ginger asked as he gave the droopy-eyed blonde and longhaired 'saru' a strange look.

"Rules! Onto the rules! R-right! No running in the hallways, no food fights in classrooms…" Masq rambled, shifting from one obvious rule to the next trying to get off the subject of the obviously angry man who didn't want to pass out papers and the teen he roughly handled to do his bidding. HIS BIDDING! AHAHAHA!

"Uhm, no talking back to your teachers!" Ginger pitched in, yelping for some unknown reason. The brunette raised a brow at them, and looked down at the paper handed to him by the disgruntled teen. Shrugging, he figured he might as well fill it in.

Name (Last, First): _Kanbara, Takuya_

Age: _17… ish_.

Height: _5'6_

Gender (circle one): _Male_; Female; Hermaphrodite; Undecided; Trans; Other; None

Date of Birth: _August 8, 1989_

Previous School Attended: _Odaiba High School_

Interest to Major In? (Please name only two): _Soccer; Graphic Design_

Home Phone: _1-342-232-2356_

Cell Phone: May all cell phones burn… I'm too poor to afford one.

Life Expectancy: _Uhm… until I'm 80? What kind of question is this? How am I supposed to know?_

Mother's Name: _Jude. Like that Beatles song._

Father's Name: _Shugyo_

Guardian's Name: _See mother and father_

Favorite Color?: _Red. Red. RED._

Sexuality? (Sorry to ask this question, but when assigning dorms in previous years there were some uhm… mishaps.) (Circle one): Hetero; Homo; Pan; Bi; A; Undecided; _Confused_; _Questioning_

Please List Any Prior Offenses. If none, leave blank:

Please List All Previous Offenses In Past Schools: _Seven referrals, twelve detentions, and once suspended_

Marital Status? (Circle One): Married; _Single_; Engaged; Fooling Around

Any Pets?: _Eleven cats. Seriously. Oh, and three dogs. Very cuddly. Do strange birds giving you a funny look every morning count as a pet as well? If so, one bird. _

How Many Licks Does It Take To Get To the Center of a Tootsie Pop?: _…you've got to be kidding me. I don't know, and I really don't care. You shouldn't either. It's a marketing ploy. DO NOT FALL VICTIM!_

"Psst!" A teen next to him was obviously trying to get the brunette's attention. In the distance he could he strange sounds from the stage - he figured it was best to NOT look up.

"What?" Takuya whispered, looking over at the person trying to obtain his oblivious attention. In doing so, his mahogany (a fancy word for a reddish-brown color, it makes writers sound more intelligent by using these nifty words) eyes met with the bluest eyes he had ever seen. Awkward thought, but true. The person was another guy, just like him, except his hair was a sandy blonde, or maybe a golden brown. It was hard to tell. But it was really spiky.

"Three-hundred and sixty-four," hissed the person, hinting at the answer.

"To how many licks it takes?" The more brunette brunette asked.

"Yes," the more blonde brunette brunette replied.

"You fell for their marketing ploy!" The more brunette brunette hissed, appalled by this. How dare he! Fall for a marketing ploy, shame!

"You have a sexy immune system," a guy said to someone behind the more brunette brunette, and a loud 'SMAYACK' echoed after. Weird.

"Marketing ploy? My friend gave it to me for free, and I figured, why not?" The less brunette (but still a brunette) but with more blonde in his hair dude answered simply.

"Oh. Well… hey uhm…" The more brunette began, and then peered over at this new guy's paper. His name was 'Sora.' Just… Sora. No last name? "…Sora… thanks, but I'm god." The poor more of a brunette did not realize there was a typo in his words, and so it was misunderstood.

"…But your application says you're Takuya," Sora mumbled.

"Right. Right. Word-o. It happens," Takuya admitted sheepishly. Yes, this mahogany-eyed teenage youth of seventeen (actually sixteen, his birthday was a month away) was Kanbara Takuya, or Takuya Kanbara, depending on which country you live in.

"Okay!" Sora nodded good-naturedly, overlooking the strangeness of what just happened. This was turning out to be quite a unique school so far… quite unique indeed.

* * *

(1): Takuya's father in Digimon Frontier did indeed have hair long enough to be placed in a ponytail.  
(2): Fujoshi - a woman/girl whose interested in fictional stories depicting two men in love with each other. Betterly known as yaoi fangirls.

**Disclaimer:** Totally not owning that niftiness known bestly as Digimon, Saiyuki, or any other sexy copyrighted material mentioned and/or used.  
**Claimer: **'Ecittal' and one of it's charries, Salvatien, belong to three people. Though Salvatien only belongs to one of those three. Solange MacLeod. She rocks.  
**A/N**: Why, hello thar! This was edited by the wonderful Solange MacLeod (read her fics or suffer), and written by... uhm, so whacked out girl who probably needs some major psychiatric help. This is the Prologue. DOOM.  
**Warnings**: Have you ever heard of, "playing with pairings?" If not, basically it's where you mess around with all these lovely possibilities. As you can already see, there's the problem of hentai (perverted) jokes. There will be yaoi (nothing hardcore), yuri (again, totally not hardcore), straight people (straight enough to pierce your heart - SHOT THROUGH THE HEART! AND YOUR TO BLAME!), and a bunch of other crazy things.  
**IMPORTANT: **This might interest some of you. OCs and Mary Sues... are love. We like them here. If you have any to donate to this ficlet, please leave a review saying so or a nice e-mail! Any anime/video game characters you want in here, also, totally will be added. The more the merrier!  
**Dominant Pairings**: Kouji/Takuya; Mimi/Izumi; Sanzo/Goku; Ginger(OC)/Masq(OC); Ken/Daisuke  
**Joke Pairings**: Ueda/Jima;


	2. Uber Sexy PickUps

"_Dear Otou-san and Okaa-san,_

_This school is very interesting. I watched one of my teachers arrive to the school parking lot in a mecha suit. I'm not sure how they managed to land that thing without killing anyone. Then those two weird dudes (turns out their names are Masq and Ginger) 'landed' in the parking lot. Though Masq was like, this yellow pegasus and Ginger was on his back getting a free trip. Then Masq turned back to the weird dude he was, and Ginger said something about a free ride. Wait. Oh. My. Kami-sama. I understand what he meant now. Oh. That's just… OH! WHY!_

_Getting as far from that topic as I possibly can… last night my roommate didn't show. The nerve of her! Found out from a teacher I'm rooming with a lesbian named 'Orimoto Izumi.' She's a newbie just like me. Ugh, can't stand that word. But it's what I am, as much as it hurts to admit it. I don't know anything about this school! It's so surreal. It's like I walked out of reality and into an anime or manga. Considering this is my first day of school here, and my second day since arriving… I doubt you've responded to my first letter. Especially since I'm just now continuing it from yesterday. Well, I'll send it off after I finish up this paragraph. In your response letter, can you PLEASE explain to me where I am? Looked at the maps in someone's geography book, and 'Sun' still wasn't in there! Your handsome son, Kanbara Takuya." _

* * *

Stuffing the letter into an envelope, he licked the flap of it and sealed it tight. He stumbled around in his dimly lit room, trying to locate the shirt that went with the summer uniform. Once it was found, he pulled it over his head and on it went! Adjusting it so the folds were not placed in the more uncomfortable areas, he nodded when he was set. Grabbing the vest, he gave it a strange look before putting it on. He already felt too warm. This uniform couldn't be the summer one—it was way too hot. Seriously. Black? In summer? Did the principal WANT them to die! Grumbling, he grabbed his bag and set out on a grand journey. What was this grand journey? To hopefully meet someone in this whacked out school. He didn't see anyone from his old school; it was an unfamiliar surrounding, and he could not go back to sleep even though it was about seven in the morning and breakfast wasn't ready for another two hours. 

Walking through the deserted hallways of the dorms, he looked from left to right, trying to find anyone that could have possibly been awake. No one was. Frowning, he sighed, figuring he shouldn't have been surprised. It was the end of the summer—people were still trying to get accustomed to not waking up at the crack of noon. What he himself was doing up before then was beyond him. It may have had something to do with the issue involving him staying in a strange place he had never even heard of until now.

Trudging along, annoyed, he eventually made his way out to the courtyard of the high-college school thinger-mabob. Noting that there was no one else to be seen at first glance, he sighed before falling face first onto the nearest table. "This suuuuuuucks," the brunette whined, and laid there for several minutes.

A book fell. Frowning, Takuya removed his face from the tabletop, and checked his bag. Nope. He had all his books in there, and none had fallen out. Curious, he peered around, and then… he saw HIM. No, not HIM the band, HIM as in the sexiest of all sexies in the world; as in, the first guy to make him feel gay in more ways than one, but not in the perverted way, if that made any sense at all. It doesn't? Oh well, onto more important things.

Sleek jet-black hair the color of Takuya's mother's leather jacket, with the shine to match, was tied in a low ponytail at the nape of the other guy's neck. Half-lidded, disinterested blue eyes looked down at his fallen book. Even his _book_ was sexy. His eyebrow popped upward in a twitch of irritation, despite his eyes clearly stating he didn't care. Cool, he could feel two emotions at the same time but still have them separate. Duo personality? He had pale skin, perhaps too pale… VAMPIRE! The sexy guy was a vampire! With… with… with a twin who was a ghost! And like… there was a girl who could turn into a were-cat, and a dude who was a lightning demon and… why did Takuya feel as though he was naming characters from a story written by a disgruntled teenager?

…Back to the Uber Sexy. Or US. Better yet… Uber & Pretty Sexy. UPS. Yeah… they could UPS the sexy one to Takuya anytime, uh-huh. OMFLL WHAT A LAME PICK-UP LINE! The brunette whacked himself upside the head for THAT one. Fine. Just… Uber Sexy. No initials. No corny lines… just his thoughts concentrating on the deity in human form far away from him. ACK! Again, with the corniness! Takuya needed to read something that would take his mind from this crap, like a gaming magazine. Or perhaps the latest issue of _B's Log_. Shut up! He thought _Love Revo_ was an awesome game, damnit! And it had nothing to do with the fact that it involved lots of sexy men. NOTHING! …no wonder he had all these corny lines in his head. Right! Back to Uber Sexy!

He wore the school uniform, which looked mighty nice on him. But then, considering this sleek, pale, and sexy guy was the Uber Sexy, this shouldn't have been surprising. Mustering up his courage (and realizing this was his chance to make a new friend), Takuya walked over to meet this unusually attractive fellow. The Uber Sexy was still looking down at his book, perhaps having an epic internal battle that would decide whether he picked it up or not. Again, the brunette wondered if this guy had duo personalities... and hoped there were no bi-polar tendencies if this was so.

"What?" Uber Sexy snapped, eyes never leaving the book, but at least acknowledging the brunette's existence. He had a nice deep voice that sounded as though he had had it since he was twelve due to early puberty. Or maybe Takuya was crazier than he thought, and this insanity only decided to finally show itself when he was placed here. Perhaps that was why his parents sent him to the school?

"Is the meat raw, or undercooked?" Takuya asked, and immediately regretted his inquiry. But hey, on the bright side it got Uber Sexy to actually look at him! Err, down at him. Whatever.

"…The hell?" Uber Sexy gave him a look that matched his words, staring as though he was so baffled as to what to do when approached by a weirdo that all he could do was stand there and stare. Or maybe the brunette was lucky enough to attract Uber Sexy? …nah. He was never that lucky. Wait. Wasn't he questioning, and totally not gay? Silence. He'd totally have to experiment with Uber Sexy. Snoggage hardcore man, snoggage hardcore. Shit. More corniness. Well, at least that weird and random crap that just came out of his mouth causing the Uber Sexy to stare wasn't corny. It was weird, but far from corny.

"So uhm… that book bite ya or something?" Takuya asked, trying to change the subject from his sudden weird, absurd words. Man, he was digging himself a hole—books don't bite people! …Normally. There was this one time... at band camp...

"No..." Uber Sexy said slowly, as though he did indeed think Takuya was crazy and only awake at this hour to do some serious drugs that would induce him into such weird behavior. Sheesh, these people haven't even met Izumi yet.

"Why'd you, uhm… drop it?" Takuya asked, slowly backing away. Uber Sexy was highly attractive, but the current blank expression somehow said, 'I'm going to eat you in a minute' and the brunette wasn't quite sure how to react to it. So he was backing away like the good little uke he was. 'NOTANUKE!' Yeah you are. 'NOI'MNOT!' Yeah you are. 'You're just taking jokes from ITF to make this better! CHEATER! DIE! Die and burn in hell bitch!' Dude, it's called _Fanservice High_. What'd you think would happen? _Gardens At Eve_ was already referenced in here. 'I hate you.' And we love you and shall forever put you in awkward situations that exploit your ukeness. 'Etmiohotqw!'

"I didn't," Uber Sexy growled. What kind of person growled? Either a very angry person, or a very perverted person. KEEP YOUR THUMBS TO YOURSELVES! Sickos. Tch.

"Then how did it get on the ground?" Takuya asked, still backing away, kind of intimidated by the growl. And that look. And his semeness. Yeah. ',Rtlk;eynoy!' Did anyone hear that? We didn't hear that… Fangirls Gone Nuts Inc. heard nothing at all. 'BLATENT _AIN'T IT IRONIC_ REFERENCE!' …muahahah. Yeah. 'You people have some serious issues. And why am I, the mighty Takuya, talking with you?' You're an uke, what more of a reason do you need? 'Wtgn weihytwmgy wrseye!' Oh, alliteration!

"…God wanted it to be there," Uber Sexy mumbled, eyes shifting. Okay, he was making that one up right there.

"Did he now?" Takuya asked, hands on his hips and choosing to humor the almighty sexy one. He was less intimidating with those shifty eyes. Those shifty, blue eyes… damn fangirls.

"Yes. Yes he did. Told me so himself," Uber Sexy said, almost hesitantly.

"Why did he want the book to be there?" Takuya asked, raising a brow and crossing his arms. _Oh yeah_, he thought. He was totally in control of the situation now. But Uber Sexy seemed to notice this as well, and decided it was a time for change in tactics.

"Look, the book is there, now deal with it. It's my own business why my book is on the ground and I'm staring at it! BACK OFF OR PICK IT UP!" Uber Sexy snarled, scaring the brunette one. Not wanting to leave the presence of Uber Sexy (more than he hated being told what to do, it was to be alone), he quickly scrambled to pick it up, and handed it over to Uber Sexy. "…" Uber Sexy appeared confused that rather than run away in fear, this idiot just handed him his book. "…Okay." He took it, unsure now.

"This school weirds me out." Takuya felt he needed to explain.

"Your roommate has their head screwed on wrong as well?" Uber Sexy inquired.

"My roommate never showed up, that jerk. Supposed to be this lesbian. Thing. Critter." Takuya couldn't exactly call this 'girl' a lady or anything, simply because to him… lesbians were all entirely their own special little breed. They weren't quite girls, but they were certainly not male. They were things… that while fun to hang out with, were very strange. Definitely not human.

"Oh. Mine's a bisexual with a strange fetish for yaoi situations. It's kind of creepy," Uber Sexy explained.

"So your roommate is a guy?" Takuya asked, feeling sad. The way Uber Sexy put it, he was not interested in other males. How depressing.

"No, it's a girl. Her name is Yoshino," Uber Sexy explained, nodding. Takuya stared at him. "Told you her head wasn't screwed on right."

"Oh." Takuya blinked, meanwhile thinking he still had a chance at experimenting. Yeah… experimenting. He gave up on not being corny, he was doomed to be in this piece o' crap fanfiction without any plot or meaning behind it. Other than the lesson of if your parents plan on sending you somewhere you never heard of before or can even find on a map… there's reason to worry.

"..." Uber Sexy said nothing, but he did put his book back into his bag. It was quiet. Almost too quiet… IT WAS AWKWARD SILENCE! O.o

"So uhm… what all classes are you taking?" Takuya asked suddenly, trying to kill the awkward silence with that famous icebreaker. He should have gotten the IceBreakers to do it for him though… they're much better at it.

"Four academic classes and two electives," Uber Sexy shrugged, hopping up to sit on the table. Secretly, he was desperate for a friend here as well, it seemed. Or perhaps he really did have duo personalities and one half wanted to be Takuya's friend while the other half wanted Takuya to die. It would explain a lot. What if one personality was gay and the other one was straight? The only way Uber Sexy would be happy was if he went out with a hermaphrodite. And why was Takuya thinking about this!  
"Err, right. But what KIND of classes?" the brunette asked. Hopefully he would have some classes with the sexiest of all sexies. Uber Sexy eyed him as though wondering if the brunette was thinking just that, and so Takuya looked away as though distracted. Those blue eyes were so intense… Takuya was afraid they might be magnets.

"Statistics, Creative Writing IV, Computer Graphics, Draw/Paint VII, Anatomy, and History I. In no particular order," Uber Sexy sighed, releasing this highly confidential information one could easily learn from at the front desk most likely.

"Isn't Creative Writing an elective, and not a language-based class?" Takuya asked, confused somewhat.

"Weren't you listening yesterday?" Uber Sexy growled, giving an irritated glare. "The only people with actual language-based classes are those who wish to major in learning that language. Creative Writing is designated as a replacement for it so we don't lose our skills in that area. Plus, people from all over the world are going to this school—ONE language class wouldn't work out for all the different languages spoken here."

"…Oh." Takuya stared. He never actually thought about it that way. People from all over the world came here? That was amazing. They must have some bilingual or trilingual creative writing teachers. Uber Sexy suddenly froze, and then shot up.

"I gotta go," Uber Sexy whispered, and then left as though Takuya was the reason the Black Plague existed way back when. The brunette pouted. Right when he thought he made a friend…

"AHA!" a female's voice shouted, startling Takuya enough to make him jump nearly .03 feet in the air.

"Wh-what?" The brunette stammered, whirling around. He saw... nothing.

"I bet you're my roommate!" the female voice continued, followed by maniacal laughter. Suddenly, a strange girl jumped out of a garbage can and onto the table… staring down at him with a cocky grin. She wore the girl's school uniform, though she had on black boots to go with it. She had sky blue eyes, and long blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail. "They call me Orimoto Izumi!" She bowed. "Please to make your acquaintance."

"…You've gotta be kidding me." Takuya's eye twitched up at the girl before him. SHE was his roommate! "And how did you know I'm Takuya…?" He ogled.

"When I got to our room—extremely late because my flight got delayed so I just got here; thankfully this nice man named Ginger helped me out—no one was there. So I changed into my uniform and snuck out here. Saw you and this other dude, and figured one of you had to be my roommate. The dude with black hair is blatantly a seme homosexual, the gay waves were radiating off of him as though he were crack and they wanted a little sum'in sum'in. You however… I got nothin'. You're confused. But I'll fix that!" Izumi explained, arms in the air as she spun around. The brunette patiently waited for the time she would fall off the table and break her neck.

"By any chance, did you have sugar this morning?" Takuya asked, backing away in case she fell on him.

"Yes! How did you know?" Izumi squeaked, and then hopped off of the table.

"Lucky guess," Takuya sighed, and buried his face in his hands. "Why me…?" he mumbled.

"I bet I scared Black-Haired Dude, or BHD—kind of like how they called Roxas BHK before we knew his name o.o—off because his acute fangirl senses were tingling. That always seems to scare off the gay ones before I get close enough to snap a photo." Izumi nodded, bouncing around as the sugar rush did its job, and well.

"Right... Wait. What?" Takuya's eyes narrowed. So SHE was the reason Uber Sexy scrambled off... BHD. Curses, why couldn't he be that creative without actually being creative? That wasn't corny!

"So!" Izumi ceased bouncing and ignored his words. "Let's get to know each other before school and make up for my delayed entrance! We already know one another's names, so let's move on. What are your interests?" she asked, head tilted and hands on hips.

"Uh… I like stuff?" Takuya tried, not wanting to be this maniac's friend. She was scary.

"Pfft! Everyone likes 'stuff'; it's a general term that needs to be narrowed down to more specific items in which we can use to bond! Like brother and sister! I can be your crazy lesbian older sister, and you can be my cute little uke brother that needs to be protected from the crazy semes in the world! Or maybe we can be RP buddies! THAT'D BE SO COOL! I call dibs on all the seme charries because I bet you make adorable little uke charries! Squee!" With this, Izumi zoned out into her happy world and spun around whilst squealing. On the upside, at least the blonde admitted that she was aware of her crazy tendencies. That was reassuring.

"Wait. Uke? I'MNOTANUKE!" Takuya yelled, waggling his arms around wildly. Izumi calmed herself to reply, rolling her eyes at him.

"Puh-LEEZE. Whether you're gay, straight, bi, pan, or whatever other type of sexual orientation there is… you would be the one on the bottom begging for more," Izumi snorted.

"I would not," Takuya scowled, crossing his arms at her.

"Right there. Uke reaction. To the extreme. Ultra Uke." Izumi pointed at his crossed arms, a fanged smile showing.

"THAT IS NOT AN UKE REACTION! It's a normal response to false accusations!" Takuya yelled, waggling his arms about again.

"That is too. Uke in denial. Phew! I sure have my work cut out for me, don't I? And you were supposed to be a senior in high school before you came here… for shame! What, did you like… not think about why one gender looked better than the other until now or something?" Izumi asked, rolling her eyes at him and shaking her head.

"Until I came here, I was captain of the soccer team. Until here, I was always too busy to really care about relationships or such. I had friends, and they were all I needed. Then I come here and they're asking me about my sexual orientation, my life expectancy, there's weird guys claiming God wanted their book to be on the ground, and finally crazy lesbians accusing me of things that I never bothered to think about with expectations I'm already aware or in denial of!" Takuya yelled, arms still waving around wildly.

"Oh. Why didn't you say so? Mah, I shouldn't have assumed then…" Izumi wiggled her arms and spun around in circles once more. "Silly me. I'm sorry, please do forgive me. Most my life I had plenty of time to contemplate these things, it was wrong of me to automatically believe that was the lifestyle of others. I'm uhm… a bit, short on the friend supply? But that probably wouldn't surprise you, so far you've reacted the same way most normal people do. I'm just trying to make this work because we're dorming together. So far I think you're a total ass though." She nodded. She was brutally honest—enough so Takuya stopped spazzing and just stared at her, unsure what to do now.

"Ah... sorry too." The brunette sighed. "I'm just not used to girls that are... as enthusiastic as you are," he explained, scratching the back of his head. "Plus you scared away BHD. I thought he was cool." He grinned. The blonde grinned back.

"Okay, let's start all over again. Get to know each other so we stop giving the wrong impressions, heh..." Izumi offered, holding out her hand. Takuya smiled, and shook it.

"Deal," were the agreed upon words.

* * *

Until breakfast time, the two talked and discovered more about the other. Takuya learned Izumi already had a girlfriend that attended Fanservice High, and was one year up on them. The blonde had by special request of her girlfriend, Mimi, been allowed to enter the school. Had she not, the blonde wouldn't be attending this year and be very sad. The two had been going out for three years now, first meeting when Izumi was a freshman in high school and Mimi was a sophomore. Later when Izumi became a junior, Mimi had started her first year at Fanservice High. The two remained in contact through letters, e-mail, forums, and instant messengers, but it was still a very long and horribly miserable year. Their parents couldn't detach the two from each other for a week (almost quite literally; they only separated when one had to use the bathroom). 

Izumi learned that Takuya had your basic, normal life, which was rather out of the ordinary for this school. Most parents sent their children here because they were either social outcasts, unaccepted, or horribly anti-social. They were what the school had been made for, actually—teens that needed somewhere to go to finally be accepted for who they were, and not face peer pressure to fake identities so they wouldn't be hated. The best way for this was to send the child off somewhere that they probably knew no one at all. There would have been an elementary and middle school as well, but the provider didn't have enough monetary resources to build one.

Because they were the first ones in line (the two figured it best to get in line before everyone started waking up), they had their food before anyone else. They did not see BHD, but they knew he was up and about somewhere; he was either really wary of Izumi, or one of those people that never ate breakfast. Choosing one of the many tables, they sat there and resumed talking. Their conversations, however, were doomed to be interrupted (as always). This time though, by two familiar faces and one new one.

"Hey Takuya!" a male voice chirped. Blinking, the more brunette brunette turned around to see… Sora!

"…Sora?" Takuya asked, blinking at the less brunette brunette but still a brunette.

"Yeah! Can we sit here?" Sora asked. By 'we,' he meant himself and the really sexy man creature next to him with silver hair and sea green eyes. His locks were layered, and he was the taller of the two.

"Uhm… do you mind if they do?" Takuya asked Izumi, and sweat-dropped at the blinking dot-eyed girl she was latched to.

"Only if she can!" Izumi cooed, snuggling the still dot-eyed girl. This girl was maybe a year older than them, and had long pink hair with red streaks in it placed in two low pigtails. She had light fudge brown eyes, and made Takuya want chocolate now because his mind was thinking about fudge. Somehow her uniform looked cooler than the other girls', but he couldn't figure out WHY. From how the blonde was snuggling this oddly more stylish girl, he could only assume it was the Mimi his roommate had spoken of earlier.

"Sure." Takuya blinked, and then sweat-dropped when all three newcomers sat down at the exact same time.

"So… who's who?" Sora asked, tilting his head.

"This is my girlfriend Mimi," Izumi announced, latched onto her now obvious koi who just rested her own head on the blonde's, eyes still dotted.

"I'm Sora, and this is my boyfriend Riku," Sora also announced, pointing at the silver-haired guy known as Riku, who now had a raised eyebrow.

"We're going out now?" Riku asked, curious.

"...Yes. Yes we are. Because my parents have no way of finding out. Muahah!" Sora tried to laugh evilly. Silly Sora. Riku just patted his hair, not bothering to argue about it.

"I'm Takuya," The most brunette of the two brunette's stated with a nod.

"Nice to meet you." Mimi offered her hand, and Takuya shook it.

"He's my confused roommate!" Izumi proclaimed… proudly?

"Thanks for telling everyone," Takuya sighed, and poked his eggs. Or at least, he thought they were eggs.

"I already knew; I saw your application. And then I told Riku." Sora nodded, thinking this would make Takuya feel better.

"I could just tell," Mimi stated with a smile.

"…Am I supposed to cheer up?" Takuya asked, not sure. He wasn't accustomed to such abnormalities.

"Yes. Yes you are. Cheer up or die." Izumi threatened him with a spork. LOVECHILD OF THE SPOON AND FORK!

"Okay!" Takuya meeped, afeared of that lovechild. Oh, it was a creepy lovechild indeed! Convenient, yes, but still he found it creepy. And that was precisely how Takuya's first day at Fanservice High began… tune in next time for Digimon. Digital Monsters! 'BLATENT REFERENCE TO THE ANME THIS FANFICTION WAS BASED OFF OF!' …You're still a uke. How cute. 'Rftgowh gewemny we!' Aww, no more alliteration.

* * *

**A/N: **Sorry this took so long! I'm... lazy. And happy belated birthday to everyone. x3 Thank mah sexy and beautiful beta-reader for spiffing this up! Anything confusing about it is the fault of... my big toe. Yeah. Totally.  
**Disclaimer & Claimer: **Digimon and all the other copyrighted crap belongs to their rightful owners. No, I'm not lazy. Btw... uhm... I can't really... think of any original charries in here aside from Masq and Ginger... and they're technically muses and belong to themselves. Owned?  
**Warnings:** As a deranged soul, it is in me to do weird things. As lover of fellow strangers who define the word 'strange', any messed up joke-pairings you guys want (but not ACTUAL pairings) will be put in here. Have fun!  
**Dominant Pairings: **Kouji/Takuya; Mimi/Izumi; Sanzo/Goku; Ginger(OC)/Masq(OC); Ken/Daisuke  
**Joke Pairings: **Ueda/Jima; Axel/Jack Sparrow  
**P.S.)** Love you all. Reviews here, or use the private message thing? 


	3. The Sexy Otaku Squad

"Dear Okaa-san and Otou-san,

It's been a great first week of this… 'school' you sent me to. I found out it was created for social rejects. THANKS! THANKS A LOT! Am I social reject to you, huh!? Huh?! You jerks! I see how it is!! You don't love me, so you outcasted me into a society of sexy bipolar bishounen, hyperactive blonde lesbians who date older women (by a year), gay men who faintly remind me of a video game… and so. Much. More.

For example, my first period is like… HOMG insane. CHRISTMAS COLLAGE INSANE! You know that song? Yeah. IT BLEW YOUR MIND INTO THE ROOFCAKES! It's Anatomy. And the teachers… are… all… insane. One is Itachi-sama. He scares me with his uber prettiness. The man should not be legal – it's wrong. I can't help but stare at him. Then Sephiroth-sama,lkesu0p yrjnh His bangs cannot defy gravity that much!! I'm waiting for a bunch of actors from Wicked to spontaneously appear and sing, Defying Gravity to his bangs that just go SHWA-BAM and then PWOINK! O.o …I really need to just send you this letter instead of continuously adding to it."

* * *

Thus far, all had being going well enough. Takuya had four new good friends – Izumi, Mimi, Sora, and Riku. However, in his Creative Writing class, it got really confusing because there was a girl named Sora with short brown hair that wasn't insanely spiky but she dressed like a dude so yeah. But the Sora he knew, the brunette who was less of a brunette, was also in that class. Even worse there was a dude with blue hair ALSO named Sora. Though the blunette Sora asked them every now and then to call him Yoru so he wasn't so bad... maybe. Anyway, whenever their teacher, Tidus, yelled out roll call there was always a, "WHICH SORA?!" See, at his old school it was, "Which Watanabe?" But no, in this school, parents had this thing for naming their children after the sky. Why did they do that? It was like naming your child Skyler. What was wrong with them!? …Although, Takuya had to admit, Sora and Skyler were both really cool names. 

Either way, it was now a beautiful Saturday morning. He would sleep in... get all that wonderful sleep he needed… dream beautiful dreams about the Wii and just how amazing Link was with his spandex white tights in those hazy graphics of the Twilight Realm. No wait, Link wasn't wearing those sexy skin-loving clothes. No… that beautiful dream melted away, turning into a horrid nightmare. There was Jeckt, flames all around him and he was ready to use his Overdrive… NOO!! ANYTHING BUT THE OVERDRIVE FROM HELL!! It was worse than Anima's! No!

"NO! YUNA, SUMMON BAHAMUT YOU BITCH!" Takuya screamed in his sleep, flailing about insanely trying to escape the incoming death. Gah, evil brunette… he just ruined all of the Final Fantasy series. Every. Single. One. Now you all know how each and every Final Fantasy game ends….

…You die by OverDrives. Quite depressing really. Lay off the "Lithium" now you Evanescence fans, that stuff can't keep your batteries running forever. Curse you OverDrives…

"Takuya! Takuya! Wake up, it's just a…very strange dream…?" Izumi faltered in her words, realizing just how absurd it was that she had to wake up the brunette from freaking out over something Fantasy related. "…Wake up, you uke," she sighed, figuring that would do the trick. Snapping up faster than the speed of sound (Dun dun dun – Superman Returns) the brunette tackled her to the floor before trying to throttle her to death. This seems surreally familiar.

"I am not an uke!" Takuya snarled, trying to kill the poor blonde who only wished to save him from a certain death.

"That's nice and all, but can you please get off me before my girlfriend walks in and gets the wrong idea? You're sort of straddling my hips and this makes for an awkward situation for anyone coming in on the wrong side due to the inappropriate timing," Izumi informed him in that calm, quiet voice, smiling happily as though she were Akabane ready to kill. Or maybe Hakkai getting ticked off. Or even Yubar, that snide blonde man. Or maybe Kyoya plotting to charge someone money for something they did…

"Not only do I play too many video games, I also watch too much anime… GetBackers, Saiyuki, Suikoden III and Ouran Host Club all in one go," Takuya sighed, rolling off of Izumi because let's face it – her reasoning won the argument. She escaped death with intelligence, not brutal strength. Lesson? Be very afraid for the day when she uses strength, because if that was what she was like when calm, we'd hate to see her upset. "…I almost unlocked the secret chapters of Suikoden III, really. But no, those damn dogs… DAMNIT KOICHI!"(1)

"What was that? Are you admitting your addictions?" Snapping up from her laying position, Izumi stared down at the other with a wide grin while jokingly twisting a finger in her ear to mock how loud the brunette shouted the last bit. "They say the first step to recovery is admission you have a problem." She nodded at her own words (that were actually inspired by the wisdom she borrowed from people who actually knew what they were talking about).

"NO! There is no problem, none at all!" Takuya hissed as he clutched his manga, manwha, and American comic books close. How he loved his Hayate the Combat Butler, Les Bijoux, and of course Aoi House. Recently, he actually saw the Macromedia Flash opening to the manga - it was cool. The opening theme was so upbeat, you just had to love it so much as to download the tune. Go manga indeed.

"All right then, come on! We need to get ready!" Izumi squealed, hopping off over to her side of the dormitory. The brunette tilted his head, somewhat confused. Why did he have to get ready? Was there something special today? It wasn't Cross-Dress Wednesday, which was apparently created to usher all the students to accept transvestites, hermaphrodites and the like. Although it got really confusing when the regular cross-dressing students (such as the ever adorable Momiji and extremely cool Utena) had to dress normally on that day. Oh, and not to mention the Physical Education teacher Hibiki Amawa-sama who was another who cross-dressed regularly; though this was not by choice and that was a whole different matter and only consisted of thirteen episodes. Wait, what? Right, and even worse for the actual hermaphrodite teachers… poor Kanzeon-sama, s/he did nothing wrong other than be a Merciful Goddess to all the students that attended this whacked up place.

"Get ready for what?" came the expected groan as Takuya dragged himself to his feet before beginning the great 'getting ready' ritual that consisted of actually changing out of his pajamas.

"We're going to find BHD! I haven't seen the guy since our first day, and it's really wracking my nerves. No one can be that good at avoidance! No one, it just isn't natural!" Izumi ranted, tossing various clothes out of her dresser. "Although I'll give Organization XIII the benefit of the doubt, I've yet to find them. Oooh, they'll be found yet as well!" Her murmurings were muffled as she pulled out a silk pink shirt with white sleeves that cuffed near the wrists with buttons to hold them down. "Perfecto!" She nodded with it in hand, and grabbed a pair of low-riding jeans before retreating into their shared bathroom.

"BHD, eh? All right, but no crazy adventures. We aren't Winter and Otra from the online Girly comic. And far from each other's side-kicks," Takuya grouched, more annoyed by the fact he was being forced to wake up than much else. Then it clicked. BHD. Black-Haired Dude. Bipolar sexy man that Izumi scared away that first day he couldn't get back to sleep. OH YEAH HE WAS READY TO SEARCH! Now amped up, the brunette quickly got ready. Red t-shirt, check. Brown capris, check. Goggles, uber check. He even slept in those, heh.

"Who are half of these people you talk about anyway?" Izumi asked, finally hearing enough of his otaku speech that she had to know. She understood the main gist of it, but now he was talking about something that spoke volumes of differences in their upbringings. His parents never took him to AAA - Anime Alcoholics Anonymous. Hers did. But they never took her to SAAA... heh. Now in that area he and she could have quite the conversation if those kinds of anime floated his boat half as well as it did hers.

"The lovely creations of various people across the world from Australia to here. Wherever 'here' is. Where IS this place located anyway?" the brunette asked, finally having enough courage to ask someone who wasn't passing by him in the hallway and thus he naturally wouldn't care if they thought him stupid.

"Stop BSing the answer and explain, uke bitch!" Izumi cried, jumping out of her bathroom and latching onto the very horrified brunette. Who was more of a brunette than the Sora brunette.

"I AM NOT AN UKE! AND YOU'RE THE BIT--" Takuya was retaliating, he honestly was! And what an amazing comeback he had, but alas his mighty wittiness was not to be shown on this glorious weekend morning - Mimi had walked in at that moment only to join in their rolling duo to land a drop-kick of massive high quality (err, high-heel hell) upon poor Takuya. "ITAI!! I was saying she was the bit on the horse's reins! Hahahah..." he laughed nervously, trying to escape the hold both girls now had on him. Oh, if they weren't trying to hurt him, this situation really wouldn't be half that bad. But they were, so it was terrible! He would die by the hands of two lesbians! He had no memory of trying out for a part in Monster, when did this happen!?

"The bit on the horse's reins, eh?" Izumi asked, mildly entertained at his poor excuse for a cover-up. Both females releasing their male prisoner, they stared down at him, Mimi scratching her head as she attempted to make some sense out of the brunette's illogical sentence regarding her girlfriend. "What kind of metaphor is that?"

"The one with good intentions and full of complimentary goodness?" Takuya tried, smiling nervously up at the pink-haired one who gave him a lovely bruise on his hip that he was now rubbing. Getting up with a slight flinch, he sighed, shaking his head. "Did you have to kick me so hard?" he queried with a pout on his face, mahogany eyes hurt and lower lip sticking out - the whole half run-over puppy that the driver needs to apologize to immediately otherwise that dogma will come back to haunt them while driving a sexy karma.

"Sorry," Mimi apologized while she laughed nervously and scratched the back of her head. "These are three-inch heels and welded on so they don't break when I run... be grateful I wasn't trying to hurt you." She smiled uneasily as the blonde girl stared at her with a 'O.o' face and the lone brunette gawked.

"...whoa, uhm... right, so you joining us in the manhunt?" Takuya asked after shaking his head free of all the horrible possibilities that came to mind as he thought about Mimi actually having some sort of cruel intent in her actions. She was a mild-mannered girl that only threw hissy fits if something wasn't going her way, but that aside she was sincere enough. Somehow Izumi wasn't bothered by her girlfriend going out of whack over smaller details, but the two times Takuya was there... how he wanted to throttle them both. They were such girls. Wait... think about that one there for a moment. Are you thinking? Oh snap, that was a joke... o.o

"Manhunt? But I already have Izumi..." Mimi murmured, latching onto her girlfriend's arm while half-pouting and half-glaring in the direction of Takuya. From henceforth he'd name that expression... parrying. No wait, that was already a word with an entirely different meaning. Gouting? No, that was already word... that practically described what he was attempting to think up a new word for. Son of a Jenova! This language sucked, all the words he wanted to invent had already been done! Fine, he'd leave it be then. MIMI WAS GLOUTING! There! Leave poor misguided Takuya alone!

"He means we're out to locate the legendary BHD that has eluded us thus far," Izumi informed her poor confused lover. Wait, using the term 'lover' implies that they were doing more things together than going out... it implied... they shared a banana sundae together! Takuya had no idea if they were that close yet; he shouldn't use such an important word so carelessly! Sundaes were very vital and prominent events in a relationship that were often followed by or after marriage. Strange how often in average conversations Takuya seems to develop ones of his own within his thoughts that are not shown via italics and instead left as regular font.

"I thought it was BHK..." Mimi murmured, making the usual trail back to Roxas as most did.

"No no, I found Roxas making out with Axel yesterday," Izumi explained, exasperated, with a roll of her eyes.

"Wait, what?" Takuya asked with a blink.

"Hey, you guys getting ready for the day?" Sora chirped walking right into the room. Just for clarification, the only sky they were friends with was the brunette but less of a brunette brunette than the main brunette. Yeah, that one. Simple enough, right?

"Eh? What's today? Aside from us looking for Black-Haired Dude," Izumi inquired, explaining a great deal to Mimi who 'oohed' in the background and made the less of brunette exchange quizzical glances with his silver-haired bishounen. Riku shrugged to his boyfriend showing he didn't get that either, and so the two resumed looking at the trio of friends they had.

"Today is Club Advertisement Day," Sora informed them warily, eyeing namely the blonde girl as though to subtly ask her what the skittles she was going on about involving people with black hair.

"Heigh?" Izumi and Takuya stared blankly at the couple, and Mimi made a sound of surprise in the background as though suddenly remembering something. "What?"

"I completely forgot! The first Saturday here back is when Clubs advertise themselves to all our brand-new freshmen and any returning students interested in joining a new one. Every Sunday is dedicated to free time in the morning (because any students with religious background complained they couldn't attend their ritualistic meetings and clubs at the same time) and the afternoon is well, when clubs meet." Mimi explained in as a simple and obvious manner as she could.

"How come they didn't talk about this at the auditorium?" Takuya demanded, stomping his right foot - and the impact shook through straight on up to his hip making the poor thing hop up and down, suffering from the horrible pain.

"They didn't have to - clubs have flyers about it all over the place. Oh! And the morning announcements keep ranting about it," Sora told his fellow brunette who was more of a brunette than he. Wonder if he ever got jealous of that?

"..." Takuya said nothing, all he did was continue to rub his sore rump that was currently condemning him to the sixth level of hell where he was no more than a soul and had no body forced to endure any more misery that resulted from his stupidity.

"Now what's this about a black-haired dude?" Alas, the guy with silver-hair and sea green eyes was the only person brave enough to attempt getting an understandable reply from Izumi. The blonde merely rolled her eyes before relaying the information to their male friends, both boys nodding in understanding as she went on about it to them. "So instead of checking out all the amazing clubs this place has you'd rather try and find a guy you couldn't locate for almost an entire week? Ever think that oh... maybe he got transferred out of here?" Riku asked her, massaging his temples impatiently. This was ridiculous - they always ended up hanging out with the strangest people around. Their friend Tidus disappeared into someone's dream one day only to reappear as a guy who didn't recognize them here... then there was Selphie and Wakka. He didn't have to explain Wakka, seeing as the guy obsessively playing Blitzball day in and day out was self-explanatory... and Selphie? She went off to hang out in some whacked up Garden. Then there was Kairi... she was normal enough, until she announced she wanted to be just like Barbie and wore pink. Unfortunately, this would offend Aerith (who also wore pink) and the woman was forced to kill Kairi in a manner that later reflected her own death. All because Sephiroth was trying to give her a hug from behind but forgot to put away his sword...

"He didn't! My yaoi fangirl instincts informed me he is still within the vicinity of this school and I will find him no matter what any of you doubters say!" Izumi proclaimed, hands on her hips and blue eyes ablaze as though they were the oceans ready to inflict a tsunami of hurt upon the silver-haired one. He immediately backed down as he whimpered a small apology of some sort to her. Yes, they always did end up hanging with the crazy ones.

"Yes yes, fangirl instincts. We got it... eheh." Sora laughed nervously, motioning his hands in a feeble attempt to quell the look Izumi was currently giving them. Hoping to save his male friends, Takuya made a hugging motion to Mimi who tilted her head, and then moved over to give HIM a hug, misunderstanding his movements to be that of a lonely little boy who needed comfort. The more of a brunette sweat-dropped, and his right eyebrow twitched in annoyance.

"You better!" the blonde huffed, turning to stare now at his girlfriend hugging the lone sweat-dropping gogglehead. "Aww, Takuke-ya need a hug?" she cooed, moving over to join in.

"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME!?" Takuya squeaked, now trying to squirm away from the crowded hug... and tried even more so when Riku and Sora shrugged and joined in with the love. Alas, a cornucopia of love! The hug was that of true friendship, and thus it lasted ten minutes... or was it lasting that long because Izumi was determined to see how many minutes would tick by before the more of a brunette than the less of a brunette brunette would submit to their LOVE!

"We love you," Izumi stated, nodding sweetly.

"I'm not sure who's doing it, but please stop," Takuya growled, eye twitching in irritation as he just let them all get away with the stupid hug of massive overdosed friendship that he was unsure if he should appreciate fully. Just because it was scary sometimes, scarier than Pyramid Head...

"Who is doing what?" Sora innocently asked, which makes him seem like the culprit but fangirls have overdone his personality to be that of shota origins so badly that he really is being innocent as every ounce of ever acting older than thirteen was forcibly removed from his mind. Poor Sora. Err, this Sora not the blue-haired one or the one who was really a girl...

"Whoever is groping my ass, stop," Takuya snarled again, squirming again to reach into his pocket and... fling quarters of doom upon them! Then they would be forced to endure a DDR-deprived Takuya, heheheh… yeesss! He one, his all... his precious. Well, if _that_ wasn't creepy.

"Sorry," Riku and Mimi apologized in unison, earning startled looks from Izumi as well as themselves as they stared at each other, a scandalized look from Sora, and one of utmost horror that Takuya gave each personally - all thoughts removed from quarters being flung in someone's face. If they both were doing that, why did he only feel one hand?

"...I was trying to grab Sora's," Riku explained, grinning bashfully, then yelped when harshly jabbed in the side by his now blushing boyfriend.

"Izumi's," Mimi laughed nervously and got a funny look from her girlfriend.

"I was wondering what that was..." Izumi murmured, placing a thoughtful finger on her lips. She was stared at. "What? Unlike Takuya I don't yell about how someone is grabbing at me!" Now it was her turn to offer a feeble excuse that no one will believe but hey, it happens.

* * *

"Any luck?" Izumi asked with a sigh as she flopped over the back of a bench, the wood biting into her stomach as it growled, demanded food. Walking over as he rifled through several papers, Takuya's eyes were wide, gazing intently upon the words that spoke of his very dreams... they had implanted themselves into reality. He was happy. Very. Very. Happy. So happy. That his. Thoughts. Were totally. Stuck in a. Fragment form. At least it. Wasn't in a. Run-on format. That got. Really annoying. "Uh, Takuya?" She looked to him, her raised-brow expression saying she was expecting some sort of response back. "Do I have to call you an uke every time I want your attention?" 

"Yes," Takuya snapped, uke instincts forcing him to automatically glower up from his papers at the fool who dared call him submissive. He wasn't. Ask his mom. She couldn't get him to clean his room, not even when she pinned him down and threatened to snap his leg off. Nor did he give in when his brother and he played chicken in front of a busy street. Although, that last one landed him in a hospital for a while... thankfully there was no permanent damage done to him. Though his new friends may argue otherwise with how he babbles about some things.

"Fine. Look, aside from several clubs... did you find anything? Hints of BHD? Signs? Friends? Possible relatives?" Izumi inquired, lips pursed to the side as her brows were raised as high as they could go. Brushing some bangs out of her face, she scowled, giving up on her flopping position to flip onto the bench where she could sit more comfortably.

"Did you know they have four Anime Clubs, two GSA's, five gaming clubs, and most importantly... a Convention Club?" Takuya began his ramble, eyes getting wider and a spacey look taking over... he has to be with them to breathe... he believes in them. Kind of like how that one song by Evanescence goes, but different. So no one gets in trouble. Chyah.

"Are you even listening to me?" No response. "Fine, no, I didn't and what's a Convention club?" Izumi sighed, giving in for the moment. 'Now who is the uke?' the brunette thought with a satisfied sneer. Oh snap!

"You don't know? Well, a Convention Club is basically a club dedicated to helping the school formulate a convention hosted here for it's students and those within the area to attend. It's separated from the anime clubs and game clubs because there's so many and they all branch out into a different area of that particular interest. So the Convention Club was designed separately so all their ideas can be combined without any confusion," came the rather knowledgeable reply. That was all well and good, but it still sounded like they just wanted a separate club for the convention because they knew in the actual anime and game clubs they'd be too busy doing something else rather than actually working on the convention itself.

"Out of sheer curiosity... is there a fanfiction club?" Izumi asked with a roll of her eyes. The amount of clubs this place had was ridiculous - one does not need that many possibilities so segregated. Geeze. Couldn't they all be one happy family?

"Yup. Their goal this year is to persuade reviewers to be less lazy." Takuya nodded. Izumi stared. He gave her the flyer. Reading it, both brows shot straight up in shock.

"Wow! They are lazy..." the blonde whispered, in shock of how ridiculous it was getting. Meanwhile, the brunette continued on about the Convention Club...

"I want to join so I can help things get going, but if you join you have to help and I can't attend... but I want Junko Takeuchi-san to attend. I have to know why she chose Naruto and that one guy from Digimon Frontier. They are both so UKE!" he shouted as he threw his hands up in the air. Oh the irony he was utterly unaware of somehow...

"Who cares about that!? Takuya, listen to this! 'A first-hand account of the laziness of reviewers within our own school, listen to his story:

I have a three-chapter story that I've been working on, and it currently has well over 6,000 views. It's all sporadically spread, so people have been reading it. To add on, it's on four hundred and thirty- eight favorites, and it got story alerted by fifteen hundred people. Know what's really sick? Only two reviews. Both by my fellow reading and writing friends. People are always complaining about how lazy the fanfiction writers are with slow updates, but really. Can't readers drop at least a 'lame?' Or perhaps 'gay,' because all I write is yaoi...

There you have it readers. Now stop complaining about slow updates and put forth effort! Without criticism, stories will never improve! NOW JOIN OUR CLUB OR DIE!' I don't know about that last part, but this is horrible! What if that ever happens to Shadowy Fluffball?! Or Jade?! Maybe Sailor Epyon...? Oh, I hope not Minnermon! GASP! What if this happened to poor Iyfanatic!? Takuto Shinigami, don't say it's so! PUPPEH TELL ME IT ISN'T SO! No... not GemmaniGirl! OR LARGO-SENSEI!" she screamed, wildly shaking her friend.

"Gah! W-what now about MegaTokyo?" The brunette asked blinking rapidly, just now paying attention when hearing that last penname she shouted.

"OR EVEN TAKUYA! NO! ...THEY CAN'T TAKE SOLANGE MACLEOD! HOPE NIGHT, DON'T LET THIS DARKNESS BEFALL YOU!" Izumi let go of her friend, now falling to her knees and wailing loudly.

"What happened to me?!" Now she had his interest beyond that of online mangas. If only he knew she was referring to a girl who wrote fanfiction. Poor soul, he didn't recognize any of these amazing writers that exist on this virtual plane known as fanfiction dot net... although there was no word dot, it was a literal dot. Mind you, this thing on the virtual plane was a total buttmunch sometimes, especially in this case where one couldn't link to it ON IT'S OWN SITE! End mental Izumi rantage.

"Oh, just forget it!" Izumi cried, sniffling some as she roughly pushed away her friend who was only there trying to offer some sort of condolence. "It's just... none of them deserve this... what if it's already happened to them? WHY!? WHY KAMI-SAMA, WHY!?" More screeching. Apparently despite her words, the subject was totally not forgotten.

"Your fandom is whacked out. Join the Duvet fandom!" a random bystander screamed back at the aching blonde.

"I GAVE UP LAIN AFTER THE MATRIX CAME OUT!" Izumi hollered, shaking her fist wildly at this random person that dare interfere with her insane bantering and fangirlism. Oh they just ruined her teenage angst! They didn't understand the plight of this totally stereotypical drama queen! Think of the empty inboxes! For those curious, no, Izumi was not a fanfiction writer. Actually, she absolutely loathed anything that dealt with writing and couldn't use grammar for the life of her. But oh how she loved to read them! They were like... like anime! Or item synthesizing in Star Ocean games!

"Uhm, wrong Duvet..." Takuya muttered, now ushering his friend away from the people staring at them as though they lost their minds. It was now proven. Riku and Sora always did get the strangest friends - they managed to befriend the crazies in a school intended for those exiled most of their lives due to being different. That takes some major talent right there. Speaking (not really) of Sora and Riku, the two meandered on over to where the blonde and more of a brunette brunette were carrying several trays of fries.

"You two look a little stressed. Hungry?" Sora asked them cheerily, forcing a smile at the brooding blonde in hopes of sharing the happy feelings that filled him. Why was he so happy? We can almost assure you it has nothing to do with the fact he and Riku were making out in line as several fangirls squealed and one fainted. It helped, but that had nothing on... Ore-Ida fries covered in mayonnaise!

"What's **that**?!" Izumi shrieked, pointing a vandalized finger at the orange fries covered in white shlop of a condiment that generally only goes well with tuna or certain sandwiches.

"Mayonnaise, what else could it be?" Sora chirped in his usual happy voice, pressing his plate closer to her face as she breathed a sigh of relief before jerking back away from it.

"Yes, that's nice uhm... mayo. Wait. On fries?" Izumi inquired.

"Of course!" Sora nodded, and then produced a second plate before handing it to Takuya. "You said you wanted yours with relish and Italian dressing?"

"Yeah, thanks." The more of a brunette brunette laughed as he accepted his plate and breathed in deeply the delectable scent of his 'lunch.'

"Whoa whoa whoa... what'd I miss?" The blonde looked between the three boys before blinking as Riku offered her a plate as well, although hers just had ketchup. Somehow they knew what she wanted. "Eh?"

"While you and Mimi were making out before she left to help with the Fashion and Design Club stand we told Taki here we'd get us food. So when we got in line we noticed that you two finally stopped locking lips and Sora asked her what you and she wanted," Riku explained with a careless shrug.

"I told you to call me Takky if you're too lazy to use my full name, every time someone uses Taki I think of that asshole from Gravitation or that yasashiian from Bonded Dreams." Takuya huffed, stuffing a fry in his irritated, pouting mouth.

"I see... you guys see anyone with black hair?" Izumi inquired of them. They stared back blankly. "Eh? What?? Oh err, right. That's pretty common... uhm, how about black hair and blue eyes?" she asked with a tilt of her head.

"We saw two. We actually saw Sakuya Ookochi, the main vocal from the band Lucifer," Sora started before he began to drool at the memory. Feeling threatened by this other male presence that caused his boyfriend to drool Riku scowled before forcing-feeding a fry to the startled brunette who was less of a brunette brunette. "Mmph!"

"And then this shy guy with long hair," Riku finished for the other, arms crossed and a scowl still marring his visage.

"Shy? No, the BHD we saw was really assertive and anti-social..." Izumi sighed and began on her fries as well. "Clubs aside, today was a total failure," she whined, her legs bouncing up and down in her agitation like a small child denied candy. Not just any candy though... PIXIE STIX!

"Then no, we had no luck locating your BHD. Sorry," Riku apologized, although his face wasn't as sorry as his words while he worked his way from scowling to outright glaring in the direction that lead singer once was... jealous much?

"Think we'll have any luck tomorrow?" Takuya asked idly as he plucked up the last of the relish with his finger and eating it. Eew.

"Doubtful. If he's as anti-social as you both make him out to be, he probably won't even bother with the clubs tomorrow. They involve... PEOPLE!" Riku made wild hand motions when he said the last word, exaggerating his face as he mocked the idea of someone refusing to speak to others.

"..." Sora stared at Riku, as did the other two."Oh my holy skittles. We're a group of pathetic gay dorks." Truest statement ever given - credit to Izumi.

* * *

**(1):** See, in Suikoden III you have to collect all 108 Stars. To get to one of the stars, you have to adopt three of these dogs. Or was it the dogs were part of the stars…? Meh, anyway I got Kogoro (the first one) and next was a dog named Koichi. That son of a bitch won't show up in the damn Northern Cave and that's where he's supposed to be. w,g o l34nynwleb. So yeah. Now you understand! xD 

**Disclaimer & Claimer: **Totally do not own Digimon, Suikoden III, Zelda, Wicked, Kingdom Hearts, Sensual Phrase, Resident Evil's Pyramidhead, I My Me Strawberry Eggs, Saiyuki, Revolutionary Girl Utena, Fruits Basket, any of the Final Fantasy's, Naruto, Evanescence... okay, I give up naming all of it. I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE COPY-RIGHTED STUFF MENTIONED OR JOKED ABOUT IN HERE! That aside, I do own the idea for this (what idea? It's entirely mindless insanity...)

**Notes**: Firstly no harm was intended about the whole review thing. Personally I could care less about that, but after my friend told me about her fanfiction and how all these people are favoriting it but NO ONE reviews... I couldn't resist. Heh. So no offense, it was just a joke. Secondly, how many of you caught the 'Potter Puppet Pals' joke? Thirdly... not a single person commented on something very weird about this fanfiction. So I tried to make it as blatantly obvious as possible. xD And again, special thanks to Solange MacLeod for editing it beautifully as usual! (Especially because I now lack a SpellCheck, eheh.)


	4. Sezzy Sexy RANDOM Chapter

_"Now in first place, I don't support the team... that sounds faintly familiar, like an old Pink song that gets stuck in your head and makes you wonder if the woman is schizoid or just plain multi-personalitied. Anyway, so I'm trying to fit in to a place full of REJECTS. Me? Bitter? PUH-LEEZE. Rly nw ur soooooo dramtic. Oh, sorry about that... I've been txting my fellow REJECTS a lot in class with my cell phone. I love my ringtone... it's so high... teachers can't hear it. Heh. Well, that isn't entirely true... it rang when I walked by Inuyasha-sensei and he started howling. No, I'm drop-dead serious he was howling like some hound dog crying all the time and this girl screamed, 'Osuwari!' at him. And he fell through a crater that he made from the impact of smashing into the ground. So I changed my ringtone to 'Salamander' by Takeuchi Junko. I love that song, you know that? I can sing JUST like her. Wait... hmm... maybe that's why you sent me here..._

_See, you made me sad now. I'll wait just to add more to this again later before I send it... maybe... you know what? I need another time like that mishap. Remember when I went to put the cat litter in the garbage can and it was pouring? And how I got garbage juice all over my pants? Yeah. That rain was nice and refreshing - it made me feel like a virgin, touched for the very first time. Huh. That also sounds like a song... and... I am a virgin... this letter is getting weirder. I blame it on Riku because he keeps getting nosebleeds every time he looks at Sora lately (my fellow brunette friend Sora not your brother/brother-in-law Sora). "_

* * *

He was sitting in class, as he had for the past week and some odd days. The teacher was droning on and on, and Takuya swore that if Raine Sage kept this up he'd go and talk to Genis sitting next to him. Silly Raine-sensei!!! He already knew all of this!!! "So class, tell me... why is there a Lloyd cosplayer replacing one of our students?" She asked, pointing at the brunette with an accusing glare. Takuya froze. They found him out!! NO! NOT AGAIN!!!! 

"TAKUYA!! WAKE UP! I got wind that BHD is by the cafeteria!" Colette yelled, reaching over to shake him. No wait, that wasn't Colette (though she DID have blonde hair... another cosplayer?)... it was Izumi! And she was on him. Waking him up again.

Oh.

This all made that much more sense to him.

"You erased my Tales of Symphonia data!" Takuya whined, but the blonde only heard a gargled mess of, "Fewe niwjr aef ewtgowncda foe..." Choosing to not even try to understand what he said, she merely got off the brunette and literally dragged him out of bed.

"Hurry up and put something on!!" Izumi whined, yanking on his arm to rushedly wake up the ever-confused confused mass of brunetteness.

"Oww! Oww!! Okay okay..." Takuya whimpered, only to drop heavily on the floor when she released him. With a small growl, he moved to his dresser to retrieve clothing while the blonde shook her head. Grabbing his uniform (as today was a classday), he was ready to go get changed in the bathroom... only to notice Izumi beat him to it. Again. "Don't open the door, I'm changing in the room." He growled at him, with a slight pout at how not only impatient she was being but also rude. Honestly, if she was going to wake him up in a rushful manner then she best have already be set to go herself. What a meanie. Removing his pajamas and placing on his uniform (all of this was taking place off screen because certain anonymous persons refuse to promote nudity as a form of fanservice. While Takuya changes, we have in that scenes place put one of several men and women showering). Now that he was fully clothed (and we're back to him now. See? Nudity isn't required to please people) the brunette looked over to the bathroom. "Izumi, I'm dressed. Might we please go yet?" He requested politely in his most obnoxious voice. Then, slowly... everything finally caught up to him. BHD. Black-haired dude. Mister glaring at his own book. "HURRY YOUR BLONDE SELF UP OR ELSE I'LL MAKE A JOKE!"

"What kind of joke?" Izumi asked warily, who had actually been leaning against the bathroom door perfectly ready. Just to annoy him. She was ready before she even bothered to shake him up, and was mildly entertained at how he had failed to even notice this. She grinned.

"A blonde joke!" The brunette threatened, a diabolical expression on his face.

"DON'T YOU DARE!" Izumi snarled, immediately exiting the bathroom to whack him over the head (earning a loud, "Oww!" from him). "How could you even **think** of such a horrible thing? I thought you loved me! How could you do this to me! After all we went through together an-"

"Been through together?" Mimi repeated, having yet again entered the room at the wrong interval in time. She had that kind of luck.

"...he threatened me with a blonde joke, and I got a bit carried away reprimanding him." Izumi explained with a sheepish grin, stepping away from the lone male teen from having been hovering over him angrily a few seconds before. All angry-like too. Because she was angry. Yay for redundancy! Meanwhile, Takuya was somewhat traumatized such a simple... empty sentence could bring. Doom. Why did people always react to half the things he did and said with violence? Did he look masochistic? If so, someone should tell him so he could fix this because he most certainly did not enjoy any of the pain he had been receiving from these lunatics lately. But they were fun lunatics. The kind that weilded spoons instead of knives.

"It's all right, there there..." Mimi assured the blonde, pulling her into a hug while patting her very bright (as in her hair) head. "He won't anymore mean comments. Will he?" She sent him a glare, and Takuya could have sworn her voice turned demonic for a brief instant. Why were the women he surrounded himself with so scary? Realizing the question had indeed been directed at him (the low growl was the biggest hint), he quickly jumped up to respond.

"I swear on my memory card's life." Takuya promised, having taken care of two problems at once. If they ever wished to get vengeance on him for some crazy random stuff, they could not do it on his memory cards. Because they were what kept promises alive. And game files. Especially the game files. Waitaminute. He stared. Stared harder. "By the Buddha, Izumi!!! You'd make the best Elf Princess Rane cosplayer there ever was!" He exclaimed in shock. Immediately, he was thwacked by both girls.

"How dare you picture Izumi naked!" was apparently their excuse. He still thinks they did it because they just wanted to hit on him (LOL HE MADE A FUNNY).

---

Arriving at the cafeteria, Takuya found himself rather pleased. It wasn't because all the abuse he had received earlier enhanced his fluffy looking hair, nor because they were serving the most delightful of because items - ramen (one of the students, a male blue-eyed blonde, complained that they had none). It was because both Mimi and Izumi had been so lost in each other on the way there, that they ended up walking into a wall. He was glad they got a taste of their own medicine. Sort of. Okay, he was just glad someone was getting beaten up besides him. To further his mood, he was looking for the ever elusive BHD. He knew he caught sight of the guy, he just knew it. Because he was smart like that. Sneaking along, he made sure he was stealthy... quiet... cunning... and brunetteful. For as everyone knows, bishounen are ALL about their hair. Takuya was no exception. Surprised? You should be! "Walking along, caught up in his own self-narration... Takuya ensured no one knew he was there." As the brunette basically announed everything he did, those that he passed were unsure what to feel more - amused, or disturbed. There went another Dungeons and Dragons... **DUNGEON MASTER**. "He would make his prey suffer for elluding him all this time, by forcing him to - oww!" The self-proclaimed narrator yelped, jumping back after knocking into someone and resulting in, guess what, hot spilt ramen. "Oww, hot hot hot!" He yelped, fanning himself.

"I am so so sorry, I was busy keeping an eye out for some crazy dungeon master everyone's been warning me about and wasn't even paying attention to where I was going!" A rather considerate voice apologized, whipping out mystical tissues (for they absord liquids) and handing them over to the brunette who quickly used them to dab at all the wet spots. "Are you all right? Did it burn you? I really am sorry..."

"No no, it's okay..." Takuya sighed, cleaning himself off. "I wasn't exactly paying attention to where I was going either." Finishing up, he grinned. "Thanks for the... nap... kins..." He blinked, having no looked up at both his downfall and savior. "Uhm..."

"Yes?" The other teen blinked. Hmm, it appeared he came across a BHD look-alike. Except this one had short hair. And looked nicer. Err, scratch that... WAS nicer. BHD himself looked nicer in the sexy kind of way, and this guy looked nicer in the actually being nice kind of way. Did that make a lick of sense? Also, how exactly can one lick sense? Perhaps because licking involves the tongue which has taste sensory...? "Something wrong?"

"No, it's just that... you reminded me of someone." Takuya explained, still blinking rapidly. It was like strobe lights, only with his eyes! Could that give him an epileptic seizure? What a dangerous time we live in. "Say, what's your-"

"Oh, I gotta go!" The other suddenly piped up. "Still hungry, see you!" With a yelp, the BHD-doppleganger dashed off in what appeared to be fear.

Well. Takuya knew he had dashing good looks... but REALLY... were they that intimidating?

---

Sitting in class, the brunette contemplated his earlier run-in with that dude. That looked like BHD. Yeah, him. Anyway, it made him wonder. Did the two just happen to look almost identically alike? Or did BHD have a twin running around? If so, why didn't BHD tell him? He thought the guy trusted him! But no, it was all a lie! This entire time, was a lie! He thought they had something together... something special! Feeling quite depressed by all these (false) discoveries, the Takuya decided to busy himself with something far more interesting - the meaning to life. The answer to all questions. What was, what is, and what shall always be. The mystical, philosophical stuff that was actually too much for his easily boggled mind but he still attempted to find anyway. Wait. What was, is, and always will be...?

That was it. The answer to all the problems that were and ever would be. It was so simple. How had he not seen it before? It had always been there - right in front of him. Well, sometimes it wasn't and it was the very lack of it that made him reach this epiphany and realize this. Yes, the answer was right there on his television screen every time he played old school RPGs. But he never noticed. Standing up in the middle of class, Takuya held his hand high and proud with a set face that stared directly at his homeroom teacher. Sephiroth. Usually this teacher was quiet and well-mannered, but for some reason when 'mothers' were mentioned he would go on this deranged psychopathic rant that involved meteors. Then he'd calm down, give a creepy yet sexy smirk at all his students as though there was some devious plot toiling away in his head that revolved around their demise, and resume normalcy. But the brunette wasn't saying anything about mothers. He was saying something about the solution to all their troubles; the very meaning of life.  
"Yes, Kanbara?" Sephiroth sighed, knowing full-well this freshmen would be the end of a regular class. Not that homeroom was really a class, it was just a filler kind of deal that happened every once in a while. He could kill Masq and Ginger for never mentioning spontaneous homeroom classes in the foreword at the start of every school year. Yes, he could kill them all...

"I know the answer!" Takuya proclaimed. Everyone slowly turned to look at this essence of brunette brunette, as most of them had him in other classes. He didn't know the answer to didly-squat. Their plantinum-silver haired biseinen of a teacher knew this also.

"To what, Kanbara?" If Sephiroth could choose to legally remove one source of all human stupidity in this world, he'd pick that brunette. Truly. See, he couldn't pick out one singular fangirl because they ALL really irked him... so he'd settle for the occasional fanboy, who at this moment was the confused uke who denied his uke-ness.

"EVERYTHING." Takuya whispered hoarsely, eyes slowly widening as he spoke these works in an odd tone. His teacher merely quirked a brow.

"And that is...?" It was to humor him. Honest to Jenova it was.

"WORLD. MAPS." All he received were blank stares. "Think about it! All the older RPGs have world maps, but in these newer... things... they don't. You have to walk everywhere. In these.. interactive enviroment. Things." If explaining this didn't help these poor simple-minded fools, Takuya was afraid they were beyond help.

"INVISIBLE WALLS!" A girl screamed, before dashing beneath her desk. She was never seen again. It was believed by school officials a week later when they bothered to look for her that the theory of nirvana ate her due to the girl actually coming close to entering it. Invisible walls are often extremely deep, and mind-bending subjects. Especially the wall half. At any rate, this is all taking place now and not a week later so someone just wasted time reading that but also gained useless knowledge for next month's test.

"And how did you discover this, Kanbara?" Sephiroth was still humoring him, and the ending to Akira was still boggling that kid in the far orange corner.

"You see, I was thinking about replaying Final Fantasy VII and-"

"Say one more word I'll rip your throat out." Sephiroth hissed, one eye twitching while the other remained perfectly still. That took talent. The brunette was silent, but his mouth was still open mid-sentence. Confused. Needing. To speak. But not. Wanting to die. "I'm getting sick and tired of hearing that game. Shit like, 'Oh, it is so wonderful! The plot is brilliant!' Or, 'That was the coolest villian ever!' THAT IS ALL FANGIRLISM! I've played Sonic games with more plot than that piece of crap! And Advent Children!? Don't even get me started on that! IT WAS NOTHING BUT EYE-CANDY! Then they turned the main character emo. EMO. Hear that? E-M-O! He wasn't in the game! Then they went and tried that Dirge of Cerebrus crap wanting to make an extra buck off of a popular HIDDEN character that was a pain to get in the first place! And it was a shooting game in the form of an RPG! Was it another attempt at a Parasite Eve? FAILURE! Understand me? FAILURE (Like the idiot who mentioned it)! Then there's Kingdom Hearts where they also pimped off their characters. PIMPED. THEM. OFF. Like whores. Only lower because they began as the ugliest three-dimentional chibi's based off of two-dimentional drawings I've ever seen. And I've seen some of the stuff they put on deviantArt. So please... for the safety of yourselves and others, do not mention that game. I will go Kefka on your ass. For those wondering how I know so much, yes I played it. If my friend didn't get me into Vinuffie, I never would have wasted my time with that game though." The classroom merely stared up at their teacher, Sephiroth straightening his collar after the entire rant he just performed in front of them. A few were ready to cry, dreams crushed into nothingness thanks to the horrendous slaughter of their favorite game. It was cruel. What made it crueler was that their homeroom teacher really reminded them of someone from the game... But still. He didn't have to say Cloud and them were lower than whores. Well, maybe Tifa. But it wasn't her fault she was designed to be fanservice. Much like Fran of Final Fantasy XII. Or the girls from Final Fantasy X-2. It just wasn't their fault.

"...but I'm right about the World Maps." Takuya decided to finally say after all this, figuring it to be safe to speak once more. His homeroom teacher sighed, wondering what he had to do to get anything through this kids head. He grinned, as the image of Masamune piercing the teen's skull entered his mind.

"Put that as the answer on one of your tests, and then tell me what your score on it was." Sephiroth said finally, figuring he might as well humor him for the time being so that when the brunette realized it was all a lie he'd suffer more. Oh yes, Sephiroth was a hawt diabolical bastard and he knew it.

"Thanks Sephiroth!" Takuya found it weird to say this, something about it just seemed wrong, but rather than question it he just sat down to enjoy the remainder of this empty space being filled in their schedule.

---

Exiting out of class, Takuya found himself stopped for two very important reasons. One, was that there was a guy slightly older than himself not too far away with brown hair. Brunettes fascinated Takuya, you see. They reminded him of... well, him. He found qualities like that in other people to be very impressive. The guy had light brown hair, blue eyes, a red headband, and wore a prodominately black outfit. Pinned to his sleeveless jacket (doesn't that defeat the purpose?) was a name tag with 'Lazlo' written on it. Lazlo? Razro? It sounded weird no matter how one looked at it. The second reason, was because...

"lol hi" A girl stated, randomly approaching him. She must've appreciated brunettes as well. And my, what a girl! She had perfect hair, eyes, body shape, teeth, and speech patterns. "lol hi im Mary-Sue" See? Simply marvelous... ideal even. Damn... if only he actually found her interesting. But he didn't, so thus there was no giving a two-gil about her... and it was senseless to cry over spilt milk. They really needed to clean that mess up. "lol by :D" Mary-Sue waved to Takuya, before running down the halls. Suddenly, a screen sprouted up next to him directly in front of Lazo. It said,

"Wait!" and beneath it was, "No running!" The gamer clicked the latter, and a cut-scene ensued. Lazlo reached out with his left hand while calling out to Mary-Sue, before a horrid scream and strange weirdlu coloured light erupted. After the flash cleared and the noise died down, Mary-Sue was no more. Apparently the Rune of Punishment keelled her. "lol epic win" were the last words issued by the girl.

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**Notes:** Okay guys, everything in here... from start to finish... is a giant joke. It is meant to make you laugh, not feel bad. Sorry to those who did about the whole review thing. Anywho, my beta-reader just started college so I didn't bother her with this. See errors, just tell me and I'll correct them. xD -Lazy- Also, I only work on this when I'm in the mood. So... don't expect the updates to be often. Sorry. (...I wonder, does this even have a plot...? It's all random...) This chapter brought to you by encouragement from GemmaniGirl and Ukaisha.  
**Claimer & Disclaimer:** Lazlo from Suikoden IV belongs to Konami; Izumi, Mimi, Takuya, and Kouichi belong to Toei Animation; Sora and Riku, however briefly mentioned, belong to Square Enix/Disney; Sephiroth, Cloud, Tifa, Kefka, and Final Fantasy series belongs to just Square Enix; Songs hinted at belong to their rightful owners however as the lyrics aren't officially there you can't kick this fanfic off, HAH!; Mary-Sue belongs to me as does the insanity of this 'wtf' fanfiction. 


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